Thursday, August 30, 2007
everyone,
click here and you'll get to watch the 881 title track! its damn freaking nice. really. i think you'll be able to appreciate it even if you haven watched e movie. and somehow eunice and i seem to be the only pple on earth who've watched it. but its really worth watching. and this video is really worth watching too! leave ur notes for a few mins and watch this man. its so nice and haunting and saddd :(
i shld spend less time trying to study and spend more time doing some actual studying. motivation and discipline, pls stop playing hide and seek with me. its not fun anymore! gosh. i have to find a way to be more productive and efficient and less time-wasting. haha maybe its time to stop hiding at home and get outta my comfortable cave.
okay im off to watch somemore 881 videos on youtube. check it out man, guys.
its a crazy world where everythings changing
one minute you're up and the next you're breaking
when i lose my way and the skies get heavy
it'll be okay, the moment you're with me
no one would have guessed we'd be standing strong today
solid as a rock and perfect in every way
a star fell from the sky;
6:10 PM
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
i have decided. im not gonna let myself be in the lightbulb position again. not only is it a shitty feeling for me, i dont think you guys get to do what u wanna do when im there anyway. i have been trying to avoid being a lightbulb you know. but with so many couples ard, its really hard sometimes.
and im not gonna let you guys use me as a bridge anymore, to get to the ones you like. too bad, one of your bridges has just collapsed. its not that i dont wanna help you all get tgt. but sometimes i think u take it too far. you forget that im a friend too, and only rmbr that im a bridge. in comparison to her/him, im not important at all. i can accept that, really, but i cant accept you neglecting my feelings as if i only exist to provide a link between you two. so there.
and dont expect to use me as a filler too. to fill up the gaps so its not too obvious for the two of you to go out tgt. really, i dont mind doing such things sometimes, its like doing charity work man. but you really overuse me sometimes. i dont wanna go to all the places just coz u/her/him wants to go you know. i dont wanna walk around endlessly so the two of you can spend time tgt you know. and i dont wanna have to go just because its convenient for you/her/him you know. how do you think i feel? oops sorry, are bridges and fillers not supposed to have feelings? well this one obviously does. if we're friends, stop doing it to me.
generally, i didnt mind taking the above two positions previously. but sometimes you guys really test my limits. and really, im not like the guardian angel of couples-yet-to-be-together. so stop treating me as one and expecting me to follow you guys ard and risk being dumped at the roadside when you finally get tgt. i can accept that im not as impt as the person. i can accept that you'd rather spend time with the person. i can accept that you will always do things for the person that you'd never do for other friends. really, i can live with all that. the only thing i cannot live with is you treating me like im supposed to accept all the shit you give me in the pursuit of her/him. i know its extreme, but if thats the only way we can be friends, than i'd really rather we not be friends anymore.
there are things that i will do for friends. lots of things. but stop testing my limits. you've found it. im not gonna apologize if you think im being selfish and thinking for myself only. honestly, have you been thinking about how i feel at all? bigger pple might be able to do it long term, but i cant. so there. i really dont think thats what being friends is all about.
sometimes, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
a star fell from the sky;
2:50 PM
Monday, August 27, 2007
hey this is damn sweet. really. sorry if all u atheists cant really appreciate it.
God's Boxes
I have in my hands two boxes
which God gave me to hold.
He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black box,
and all your joys in the gold."
I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,
both my joys and sorrows I stored,
but though the gold became heavier each day,
the black was as light as before.
With curiosity, I opened the black,
I wanted to find out why,
and i saw, in the base of the box, a hole,
which my sorrows had fallen out by.
I showed the hole to God, and mused,
"I wonder where my sorrows could be!"
He smiled a gentle smile and said,
"My child, they're all here with me."
I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
why the gold and black with the hole?
"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
the black is for you to let go."
sometimes its enough to know that we'll never be alone. no matter what, there is always someone looking after us and making sure we're okay. and thats enough for me. it never fails to lighten my heart when im down (:
i think this is a really cool website to go to. you dont have to be christian to appreciate it.
check it out man.
a star fell from the sky;
6:30 PM
Thursday, August 23, 2007
wow another week has flown by. its thurs once again. soon, its gonna be fri and the weekend is upon us again. whats happening to time? seems like someone put it on fast forward and we cant stop. seems like all the living has to be postponed to after As. the beach. the shopping. the talking nonstop. the cards. the drinking. so now we gotta have absolutely no life until 20 nov finally comes. i hope these few months of no life is gonna be worth it. and i hope nth horrible happens after 20 nov that will make me regret not living these last few months.
living is so different from merely existing. at this point in time, we are merely existing. hanging around, waiting for the time to come that we can fully live once again. waiting for the time to come when we dont have to worry about exams, tutorials, remedials, etc. when we dont have to live for breaks only. i really hope we're still entirely healthy and everything to enjoy the life that we can have when the time comes for us to finally have it. i definitely cant go anywhere else with the knowledge that all ive done in the last 17 years of my life is study, study, and all the miscellaneous stuff. its hardly worth 17 years of a life la. unless ure gonna live to 10000 years old. den i have to say you really have all e time in e world.
so lets do the best we can to live. lets see things in perspective. is mugging really all thats important now? i have to say it is important. but surely we are better multi-taskers than that. let mugging take priority, but lets not forget to let go and live a little. as jenny keeps saying nowadays, just chill. and lets not neglect whats truly important. its really up to you to define yourself.
loving you is not just luck or illusion
its in the make up of our DNA
loving you comes easily to me
its what im living for
its all in the chemistry
loving you is how its meant to be
its something that is so natural to me
a star fell from the sky;
8:35 PM
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
heh. i missed sch today. long story and im lazy to type. haha. in short, me and eunice got wet and so we ponned sch. haha i have to say i kinda alr wanted to pon sch when i woke up. but i was guai okay. i still went to sch. too bad i didnt make it to school. haha.
irritating la. have to get wet to pon sch. we were dripping wet in the mrt la. argh. and it was raining somemore. and we were pissed. obviously right. we got splashed and shouted at for no freaking reason. good job. really ultimate unluckiness. oh well. recently alot of bad things have happened to me. sth bad happened ytd too but i cant really rmbr what it is so nvm. better not to rmbr. maybe like ignatius always says, fengshui lun liu zhuan. maybe its my time to be the ultimately suay one. argh. i hope it passes with minimal damage. heh.
nxt time i get the feeling that its gonna be a bad day, im just gonna stay at home. really. haha i shld check my horoscope before i leave la. but just for e record, my horoscope today doesnt say anything about ultimate suayness. this is what it says: It might not be the perfect situation, but you're still set on taking that risk and accepting your fate. Do what you can to get the odds in your favor, then roll the dice with no regrets. hmm no mention of anything untoward. lol. anyway. lets not be so superstitious. destiny is in our own hands! haha. oh no my lameness is increasing.
anyway guys, u shldnt be reading this. u shld be mugging! quick everyone mug ur butts off! den we'll be buttless pple. LOL. okay i didnt say that.
really, we should be mugging. its time to hit the books [or paper in our case], and hard!
one night and one more timethanks for the memories
a star fell from the sky;
4:55 PM
Saturday, August 18, 2007
so ive got my phone back. haha its kinda weird. like after not having a phone for one whole entire week ive kinda gotten used to being uncontactable. actually i didnt so much miss not having a phone. i missed my clock, my alarm clock in the morning, my mirror, my camera, my songs, my contacts so much more. haha nobody ever calls me for anything urgent anyway. lol. but its nice to have it back. but kinda weird too coz i kinda dunno what to do with it now. and they upgraded e software and did funny stuff to the settings so its abit weird now. and i keep treating my phone like super fragile la. haha maybe just coz it got spoilt once so i keep thinking it can happen again. like anytime! haha. i wonder how we survived last time when mobile phones werent so common? how did we find each other when we needed to? cant really rmbr actually. but its kinda revolutionized our communications. okay i shld stop sounding like a gp essay.
anyway another week is over, and thats good. good coz i survived another week. apart from thurs, the rest of the week was okay. didnt study much [okay i admit it. didnt study at all] after studying for chem test on wed. i dunno what happened to my time la. it seems to fly by so fast. nvm im gonna mug like shit this weekend and hopefully can catch up. thurs was scary. it felt like when i first came to vj all over again. prob the only thing that has changed is now i know where everything is and i know some pple ard e sch. hmmm.
and i really really really, for the first time ever, regretted my decision to come to vj. i try as much as i can to not regret actions of my own. but for the first time ever on thurs, i really really regretted it. and i hated myself for it. i realized that i am to blame for everything that is making me upset. not coz i let myself by upset, but its coz of my actions thats why things like that happen and thats why i get upset. so thurs was a rough day. but i survived, and thank heavens i dont keep bottles of alcohol in my house like caroline.
and i promise, i'll do it for you
to make our sacrifice worth something.
keep moving everyone, prelims are in nine days!
a star fell from the sky;
1:33 PM
Thursday, August 16, 2007
I'd do anything
just to hold you in my arms
to try to make you laugh
somehow i can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
just to fall asleep with you
will you remember me?
coz i know i wont forget you.
ever.
a star fell from the sky;
3:53 PM
Friday, August 10, 2007
went to watch e fireworks last night. with ignatius and clovis. we were such a motley bunch of pple la. thanks to weishen and dom for ps-ing. haha didnt even have enough pple to play bridge. but we met glen there la. along with his friends. apparently half of them are from vj even tho i only recognised a few. nvm, whats new? haha but it was fun even tho there was only three of us. i really had damn sore cheeks at the end la. painful siaa. haha. i like that we can always contd where we left off e last time without feeling awkward or anything. and im looking forward to nonstop cards after As!! haha. mug hard, guys!
and ytd, i lost the deck of cards that i was so protective about. i think i left it at the place we were picnicking at. and i only realized after we had walked quite a dist. clovis wanted to turn back to get it but i said no. maybe its just fate. and i had walked so far with a rubberband holding my slipper to my foot! maybe that was what pushed me to do what i did today. it was long overdue but oh well, better late than never.
so what i did was i packed away all the stuff that reminds me of you. which act is not alot. i think most of e stuff is all in my mind, not so much e physical things. nvm, i think packing everything away is an improvement alr, its one step closer to helping me stop thinking abt you. although i have to say that im not giving up on you. im just trying to give you, and myself, some space. i think we really need some space. maybe [hopefully!] we'll come out stronger from this. anyway, all the stuff is gone into a nice box and high up in my cupboard. where i cant reach it unless i stand on a chair. maybe one day, i'll be able to take the things down again.
i really tried to let go you know. like completely. but i realized i cant do it. its been more than one and a half years. and i still feel exactly the same way, maybe even stronger. and somehow, i just cant convince myself to give up. so this is a compromise i guess.
right now, i just want you to be happy. im not hoping for anything, i just pray that when you think of me, you'll smile. you'll always be a part of me, whether i like it or not. and maybe, just maybe, someday we can be together again.
and you, i deleted your no. from my phone. so there.
i'm only seventeen, i should be happy.
a star fell from the sky;
5:48 PM
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
i might not be okay now, but i will be.
thanks for your concern. really.
i think i just need to get over it and be strong!
afterall, i cant change the things ive done, no matter how dumb they are.
in this farewell
theres no blood
theres no alibi
from the truth, of a thousand lies
so let mercy come
and wash away what i've done
i'll face myself
to cross out what i've become
erase myself
and let go of what i've done
put to rest what you thought of me
while i clean this slate
with the hands of uncertainty
for what i've done
i'll start again
and whatever pain may come
today this ends
i'm forgiving what i've done
a star fell from the sky;
9:47 PM
Monday, August 06, 2007
today, i realised why pple turn to drugs and alcohol. what else can you do when life gets too tough for you? when your heart is so broken and you dont see hope anywhere? today when i was on the bus feeling upset and confused, i saw the JCU advertisement at one of the bus stops. it really made me wanna go out and get wasted. i guess you can see that since im here and not puking on someones doorstep, sanity took over eventually. im glad to say i still have abit of that. dont know how long more it'll take to erode away all my sanity.
you. argh the thought of you makes me angry. can u just get outta my life and leave me alone. now i think abt it i really think i shldnt have done what i did. it seemed like a good idea at the time but seriously, what was i thinking? okay guys, from now on, please dont take what i say seriously. my advice i mean. i really think i give shitty advice. nxt time i will rmbr to keep my mouth shut when u tell me abt ur stuff. and if i try to give advice, please shut me up ASAP!! arghhh. i hate you. really. get out, the ship which was never yours has sailed.
and you. you're the only one who can make me bleed so badly. but now im kinda getting immune. indifference is taking over. its good i guess. but i dont wanna think abt where we are going. i dunno what i'd do without you though. i think i'd really lose it. you're still the most impt person in the world to me now.
and you. i think i'd like to know you better. but i dont know how. and it seems impossible. and im scared again. oh well. more impossible things have happened i guess.
and i wanna thank my friends. esp anghong. he always seems to turn up at times when i most need someone. do you know how grateful i was to see you at the bus stop today? anyway thanks for turning up when you did. i think i dont appreciate you enough. i promise i'll stop being mean and throwing rubbish in your pencil box :) cheers to me being a better friend and promises i will keep.
goodbye, hope. maybe you'll come to me again sometime.
a star fell from the sky;
7:29 PM
Saturday, August 04, 2007
everyone seems to be having lots of stuff on their mind recently. so ive been becoming some sort of a counsellor la. haha. quite fun la. but heres a disclaimer, guys. u shldnt always listen to what i say, sometimes its totally rubbish. but sometimes it makes sense la. so its up to you to decide.
but sometimes the things they tell me scare the shit out of me. i dont want my friends to go through this kinda thing. and i dont want it to affect them so. but its not up to me to decide and i cant do anything about it either. the only useful thing i can do is be there and try to cheer them up. but it breaks my heart to see my friends go through this kinda things. and what they are thinking scares me la. it amazes me how people can love someone else so deeply. maybe its just old cynical me. but please, stay strong guys. it may seem like the end of the world now, but its not. time passes, wounds heal. and you'll learn to love again. sometimes its for the best.
so please, really stay strong guys. im behind you all the way!! i know i cant do much, but i'll be there.
and i still think deadlines are a really bad idea.
a star fell from the sky;
12:49 PM
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
is it true that you only know what you have when you lose it?
i think so.
anyway it was nice shouting my wishes to the wind.
im sure gonna do what i can to make my wishes come true :)
and good luck dear line, we'll be happy pple when our wishes come true :) looking forward to my four bottles of barcadi :):)
and i tell you, im really gonna do my best to appreciate what i have nxt time before i lose it.
like my phone reception. haha. i really have gotta get my phone fixed soon. for now, instead of picking up ur phone to msg ming, pls switch on ur com and email her instead too. she can be reached at spoiltbloodyphoneandextremelypissedaboutit@hotmail.com.
JOKE! haha.
seriously, im sorry if i reply ur msg super super late or miss all ur calls. it happens when ur phone is not working properly. sorry for any inconvenience caused and ur consideration will be greatly appreciated :)
and they tell you that absence makes the heart grow fonder
and i say, thanks, but i'd really rather have the person
let the good times roll
a star fell from the sky;
6:45 PM
